Love Solidified My Mind

Personally I am a fan of it. But I could never actually know how I truly feel about something due to the wall I built up around people. Currently I am in a relationship but most times I do not actually know how I feel due this wall I have. I know my feelings are strong but I cant feel them. It sucks aging in a world where people break you down in numerous ways to a point where you don't know how you feel towards heartbreak nor sadness or love. But I do know that I am utterly in love with music. Hearing a gospel song hit a moment on the track where there are no instruments in the background and the seashells (ear buds) on my ears are filled with this bombardious symphonous music where you can hear all the harmonies and hearts being poured out. And, I am in love with the wide ranged track of music that I listen to, and the great songs and talented people I find out about daily. I know i feel my love for expression, in all its forms. I love to dance, sing, write, draw, as well as fashion and photography. I love the inspiration I get from random blogs I find on the interweb. (LOL - Interweb!) With Abraham, (I call him "Abe the Babe") I'm falling for him deeper every time I see him because I am so used to people being mean or negative towards me/condoning down on me. But he doesn't. He makes me happy as well as lift my spirits. I truly am thankful. The close friends, such as Layah, John and Sheena who love and support me are becoming closer and dearer to me day by day. I am in love with my best friends Zipporah, Chris, and Imani for matching with me greatly and helping me become more me. I am thankful for their understanding and the long talks we had. I am in love with my family as well as my friend Deange. Both push me to be more different in various ways, it helps me become more of a Minor. 

I want to feel for others as they feel for me... but mines are delayed. I lack the balance and composure. I want to learn to be driven by love rather than heartbreak. My most creative and meaningful pieces come from sadness and heartbreak. It's horrible and lovely at the same time. But I want to have such a passion when it comes to love like a painter suddenly motivated by a muse or a writer finally exiting the phase of writers block. 

So I chose Love as my topic for this post. I haven't truly written what is on my mind in a while.

Here are my views on it. 

Love is a weapon.

Its manipulative. Its horrible really. We, are a shared generation. Owned by Google, shared by Facebook, and we are proud of that. There is a lack of privacy. We mourn, we hurt, and heal together. Which is a plus, we are capable of feeling for each other. But the downfall of this social world is, the fantasies have been so exposed for what what they are so we accumulate all the negative around us. We tend to absorb more negative than positive and get more cynical. What do I mean? Being a gentleman, holding the door for a woman, waiting a while before sex, porn, admitting true feelings, throwing rocks at a window for a girl - its all been done and played out because of the exposed world. And since we are moving so fast, we have lost interest in doing it and abandoned love all together. Through heartbreak we have been torn apart by love and we veer from it. We scoff and turn it aside like it existed a long time ago. Why is this theory of love so unreachable to us? 

We can do amazing things in a relationship but a lack of love builds around us and disturbs the view of our selves. To apply this in my connection with God, Living and loving were synonymous. God taught us love in general. Christ taught us to see ourselves through love. You can tell a lot by the way you view love and by the way you view yourself. In realization we fear love but through worship in God and spirit and truth, we are able to love ourselves as well as others. 

Its okay to be childish - when you were a child. When you become older, you put the childish things in the past behind you. This society that we live in have you think that love is a childish fantasy. Taking interest in the things she likes, buying her flowers, do the things that make her happy, doing something to make her smile- Its suddenly manly to ignore a woman and treat her in  certain way. We need to stop trading this love for some cheap takeout love that will make you be sick anyway.

My suggestion? Love yourself a decent amount before you love others. If you fall for someone inferior, without knowing yourself, you will easily be tricked into being someone else. And if that has happened to you, take a break and continually work on yourself. I believe you cant ever stop improving yourselves. 

Love yourselves and love God before you venture out and truly love other people.