Bottled In.

Sometimes there are too many things going on at once that you cant just stop and think to yourself on what specifically is bothering you at the moment. Stress is a burden that we all have to lug around on our backs. With stress, comes misery and everything seems worse. In my case, a lot have been going on. People are walking in and out of my life so suddenly. I have been hurt a lot this years. From so called best friends to people that i thought i felt strongly about. From low blows to cutting me out from  someone's life. I get hurt over and over and i keep on forgiving. Do we just forgive so we can get past the hurt and hope for the future? Will it ever get better? I just think to myself, what do i do to deserve any of this. Why do i care so much for people that don't feel the same away or dont treat me good? Am i too attached? Am i too clingy? Day by day i realize, i need to be more dependent on myself. I need to learn my self worth. 

The bus ride to and back from school 
Every Night. 
Every Morning. 
Long Walks to myself. 
In class. 
I spent it all thinking of you. Thinking on how things used to be. 
Before the drama of separation broke us. 
I kept it bottled in. 
You hurt me bad, You treated me bad. I watched to hurt me in front of my face. 
You low blow me, You didn't care what you said, as long as you got your point across right? 
You made me cry , made me run it over and over in my head. Did i do something wrong here? 
You had a strong control over me, i was helpless. I kept my feelings inside. 
Then i stopped to realize. This wasn't my fault.
I didn't have to deserve this
You still don't care but anyone but yourself. 
And i cared.
Still Care.
But i will let you go until you realize what you did to me 
Mentally. Physically. 
I never said anything . 
I wrote the words i never bothered to speak up.
I grown too attached. I miss the feeling to love someone 
To trust someone. To hold someone.
Labels are overrated. You taught me that. 
Now i know that i cant trust everyone. The people that i have trusted for years have let me down. 
I will forever be my own person now. 
Don't be dependent on anyone. 
You never know when you will be the one crying
As they continue and enjoy their lives. 
People expect me to always be happy all the time. 
I keep playing the part. 
Never saying one word unto how i actually feel about anything. 
We talked. Its over you say. Things aren't how they used to be and they wont ever be. 
My bottle has exploded. 
It cant contain anymore. 
I cry and i cry and i cry. 
I don't understand. 
Fuck it. 
Fuck them.
Worry about yourself. 
I want to be felt. I want it to matter when i'm showing myself. 
Not everyone is worth the tears and the nights spent thinking about them. 

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